Do you ever think...

Do you ever think that maybe you're not as good a person as you want to be?

Sometimes, I get these thoughts that say "hey, you're not being who you want to be!"
I get down on people not, that I consider myself a judgmental person but I guess to a point we all are. I judge others by the way they treat me. I trust, usually until given a reason not to. I love unconditionally...But don't always feel the same in return and given that I'm a hopeful romantic, I suppose I will never feel as loved as I want to feel.

That last sentence has to do with the fact that I want to fairy tale...Don't all girls/women?
I want the lust factor to always be a part of my relationship and the "new friend" feeling to never go out of a friendship. Is it really too much to ask?

You know that I want to be with him, every second of every day feeling when you first fall in lust with someone? We all know that first feeling isn't love. Not that I don't believe in love at first sight because I do. I believe that there is someone for everyone...No matter how scary they may be! I believe that love can last forever even if you're not with someone and I believe friendships can stay intact for years even if you don't talk to someone on a regular basis. Okay, I got off topic but this is my blog and I can do that can't I?! Lust, that's where I was...Ponder that first touch, first kiss, first time you made love or screwed like rabbits or whatever you want to call that first animalistic time in bed together...That my friends is lust! Wouldn't it be nice if every time were like the 1st time with your "true love?"

That "new friend" feeling, the one where you know this person is going to be in your life forever the one where you stay up talking even though you have a home to call your own and you need to leave! The feeling of "I've known this person from somewhere before this!" You know what I am talking about.

Don't you wish it could always last? I guess, I feel that I'm not who I hoped to be because I judge on a comment and hold a grudge. That feeling of security gets lost too quick and then you feel like "what the hell did I do wrong?" I've had the feeling and I've endured the loss...But now I want to move on...My nature instincts have me hold a grudge and my nurture instincts say let it go already! So, now I'm going to try to be the person I hoped to be...I will still believe in lust and the "new friend" feeling but I will try damn hard to let go of the grudge instinct!

MOVE ON ALREADY!!!