C.A.N.CER SU.CKS!

It is a horrible disease and if you are diagnosed too late there is almost nothing that can be done for you. You can choose to let a side effect of the chemo get you or you can fight like hell and be hit with more problems like Ki.dney failure. I am watching my dear friend deteriorate before my eyes. It's a hard position to be in, caring, watching, waiting for the other shoe to drop. We almost lost him a few months back to bleeding ulcers, with that fixed, life returned to what we consider normal and then BAM, Ki.dney Failure. With Ne.phrostomy tubes placed the ki.dneys seem to function fine but now we are faced with another problem, mem.ory loss. Confusion is kicking in and we aren't sure what to make of it. It's scary. Some days it provides for a giggle but mostly it's scary. We don't know if the C.A.ncer has metas.tisized to his brain or not, we can't do tests to find out. That in itself is a blessing some days. Sometimes the not knowing can make it worse but in his case the knowing makes it worse. I beg and plead to God, I don't want him to suffer and losing his memory is suffering for him.

I'm not ready to lose him but if it meant he wouldn't suffer then well, I guess, I could face that. It seems like life is about love and loss, and if we can't figure out how to navigate those waters then we ourselves become lost. I refuse to be lost in this world, I will find away to do this all with grace, I will!